Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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