When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
