she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
