Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
