Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
