I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
