This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
