I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
