Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
