he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize