I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
