my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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