I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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