Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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