oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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