she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
