best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
