I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
