guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
