Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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