you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
