you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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