farters have to be the big spoon...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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