the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
