I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
