She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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