you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
