In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
