moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
