just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
