I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
