I wish I could teleport
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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