I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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