I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
