im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
