If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There r osticjed everywhere
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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