the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
