Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
