my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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