my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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