Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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