just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
