is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
