I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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