Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
