when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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