Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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