He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
