Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
