Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
