The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
