she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need moral support for this bender
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
