This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
