So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
