he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
