i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
