Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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