yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
