im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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