OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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