RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
this hospital has no fireball
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
