i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
