I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
a search helicopter?!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize