??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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