I think I won the penis lottery.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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