We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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