exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
