I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
