i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
