currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
