My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
