I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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