i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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