it wasn't lemon gatorade
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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